Clownface, written and directed by Alex Bourne, is a 2019 film about a serial killer. Or is it a film about a girl being menaced by a serial killer? Now that I think about it, I suppose that Clownface (the killer, not the movie) isn’t as much of a serial killer as he is a mass murderer? I know! Let’s make a visit to the internet to find out what exactly he is!
Okay, I found it. Here is the difference between a serial killer and a mass murderer. This is according to the website crimemuseum.org.
“What differentiates the two is the timing and number of the murders. Serial killers commit murder over a long period of time, and often in different places, while mass murderers kill within a single location and time-frame.”
Clownface, written and directed by Alex Bourne is a 2019 film about a mass murderer, who, while not actually addressed as Clownface in the film, is named Clownface.
As the film begins, we are introduced to Jenna (Hannah Douglas) and Zoe (Dani Tonks). Jenna and Zoe are roomies who share a flat in some neighborhood in England that looks exactly like whatever neighborhood in England The Inbetweeners (Gordon Anderson, Damon Beesley, Iain Morris, Ben Palmer, 2008) is set in. Jenna is getting dolled up for a night on the town, while Zoe is preparing for a quiet night in.
Once Jenna bounces, we remain in the flat with Zoe. However, Zoe is not alone, for there is an intruder in the house. The intruder encroaches on Zoe, and the audience is made to believe a rape scene is about to occur. But hold your horse! Before you get offended, turns out it isn’t a real rape. It’s just some fun role-play between Zoe and Rick (Thomas Loone), two lovers who enjoy rape simulations. The faux-rape scene continues as a fully-clothed sex scene, until completion occurs.
Following their act of coitus, the two lovers light up a fat spliff of what looks like some of the worst weed you’ve ever seen in your life, intent on maximizing their enjoyment of the post-coital afterglow. Unfortunately, this hot-and-heavy rendezvous that our affectionate couple is enjoying comes to a swift end, when Clownface (Phillip John Bailey) shows up. Wasting no time, Clownface buries an axe in Rick’s abdomen, throws Zoe over his shoulder and fucks off.
Next we are introduced to Owen (Richard Buck) a strange weirdo who arrives in town, and rents a room from a local spinster. While the spinster puts the kettle on, Owen unpacks his shit, revealing a gun, and a bunch of newspaper clippings about atrocities committed by Clownface. When the spinster returns to Owen’s room, Owen treats his newspaper clippings like a bunch of porno he just got caught jerking off to. With an understanding and compassionate tone, the landlady explains to Owen that folks ’round those parts are still on edge about old Clownface, so to maybe keep his Clownface porno to himself.
We return to Jenna who is informed by her friend Amy (Abigail Wisdom) about a big party they are supposed to attend. Jenna, still reeling from discovering her roommates BF butchered in her own apartment, doesn’t feel ready for a party. Amy thinks otherwise. But you know who else is coming to the party, even though he is not on the guest list? Wrong. It’s Clownface, dummy.
Will Clownface crash the party even though he isn’t invited? Whatever became of Zoe? Speaking of Zoe, how did she end up meeting and summarily banging Rick? What is Owen’s damage? And perhaps most importantly, will Jenna enjoy herself at the party? All these questions and so much more will be answered in due time. But only if you watch… Clownface.
So I’m just going to come out and admit right away that Clownface is not the best horror movie I have ever seen. The various character arcs don’t really go anywhere. Clownface as a character is inconsistent in ways that are never explained. If Clownface actually has some kind of motivation, it is never made clear to the audience. Characters make inexplicable choices, even accepting that one of horror’s most noteworthy tropes is characters making the worst possible decisions at any given time. There is some gore, but by no means is there enough gore, nor is the gore over-the-top enough to nullify whatever plot deficiencies exist. Some of the production values aren’t exactly up to snuff. The whole thing just kind of never gets off the ground.
For example, Clownface doesn’t kill Zoe like he kills most other people. Instead he keeps her alive and captive. Why? This obviously isn’t a Jason Voorhees-style act of retribution for making the mistake of getting caught inflagrante delicto in his neck of the woods. Additionally, no type of prior relationship or connection is ever established between the two of them, whatsoever. Thus, this obviously isn’t some kind of Michael Myers-style act of retribution for making the mistake of being related to him. Why Zoe means more to Clownface than all of his other victims is anyone’s guess. Trouble is, it’s hard to root for or against someone whose deeds seem to have no apparent motive. By the time this thing was nearing its conclusion, I found myself checking out a bit because I didn’t really feel like I was following a story, as much as I felt like I was just watching a person wearing a mask kill a bunch of other people who aren’t wearing masks.
That’s probably the most frustrating thing about Clownface. Good writing is the cheapest thing in the budget, if you are writing your own film. I try to be forgiving about cheaper production values in the films I review. Film is a storytelling medium after all. Whether you spent $50 or $5,000,000 on your film doesn’t, and shouldn’t matter to me, if your story is told effectively. So when I come across a scene, like one of the coffeeshop scenes in Clownface, where the audio is garbage tier, I try not allow it to influence my feelings about the film in general. Unfortunately, Clownface disappointed in both departments. The story was as shit as the audio.
Although I will say that contrary to many of the reviews that are available of this film currently (and there aren’t many) I had no problem with the majority of the acting, and in particular thought Hannah Douglas did a fine job. Especially considering the weakness of the script. Also, the film features music and an appearance from a UK band called Lesbian Bed Death. They were pretty fun. I liked them too.
Now the thing is, it doesn’t feel totally rad to disparage the creativity and hard work of all of the people who made Clownface a reality. As someone who has experience in the world of film, I know what a pain in the ass it is to make one of these things. Shit, actually completing an independent feature film is a tremendous accomplishment in and of itself, whether or not it tells a quality story. Unfortunately however, I just didn’t find much to celebrate after finishing Clownface.
I am not one who likes to end things on a sour note. In addition, few on this planet are as acutely aware of the profound truth of that statement “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” as I am. Who gives a shit what some jaded shitlord internet critic has to say about this movie? Watch the trailer. Does it look cool or interesting or worthwhile? If yes, you should absolutely watch the shit out of this thing. Who knows, you may find that I was completely full of shit, and that there is tons of stuff in this film that works for you. Who knows? I don’t. What I do know is that there is only one way to find out. You gotta watch Clownface and judge for yourself.
So in the spirit of fair play and positivity, here is a list of films that are worse than Clownface that you can avoid while waiting for Clownface to drop on VOD!
Sin City (Robert Rodriguez, Frank Miller, 2005)
Freddy Got Fingered (Tom Green, 2001)
Lady in the Water (M. Night Shyamalan, 2006)
William Shakespear’s Romeo + Juliet (Baz Luhrmann, 1996)
Hatari! (Howard Hawks, 1962)
The Devil’s Rejects (Rob Zombie, 2005)
Police Academy 3: Back in Training (Jerry Paris, 1986)
Nightbreed (Clive Barker, 1990)
Southland Tales (Richard Kelly, 2006)
Rent (Chris Columbus, 2005)
Review
Rating
RN Review of Clownface
The story was as shit as the audio.
